I moon you.

Partially through the vapour rising from my mug of coffee, I see the leaves of the tree shining brightly under the streetlight. The streetlight is making the leaves appear as if they are on a stage, about to perform on a melodious song any moment now, under the spotlight. I don’t know why but suddenly this streetlight  is becoming my center point of attention and I am absolutely oblivious to the fact that I am out with my friends whom I am actually meeting after a span of more than six months. Now, they are staring at me with their expressionless faces, and eyes with question marks in place of pupils, because it’s been ten minutes since the food arrived and I haven’t picked up my spoon yet.  And, that never happens!

There are two things in my life that I’m very much obsessed with, apart from the million other things I’m obsessed with on few other days. Yes, I’m that person. So, the first obsession is food and the next one, will you hold your breath a little longer for me to reveal it extraordinarily? So, yeah, we have our conversations about work, life, and people, over sips and bites of lattes and Mac-n-Cheese. I hope you already know what I am more focussed on. What are the chances of getting such a perfectly prepared Mac-n-Cheese again! I have been barely paying any attention to whatever they are saying. I can hear a few  I wish and You won’t believe what happened and prettier than mine and other such broken phrases of the conversation. I am still occupied with my ‘look at the streetlight’ thing in my head. Does it ever happen to you that few words, or names, or places, although completely irrelevant or random, remains stuck in your head and pull every string of your brain towards them again and again but you’re completely clueless about what to do about them? It happens with me. A lot.

So, the current one on the thought playlist is ‘Streetlight”. On my way back home (actually, it’s a paying guest room but I have to call it so, to feel like I live in one), I keep thinking repeatedly about how a particular section of the leaves was bright enough to segregate it from the rest of them.

I reach home; grab 'Milk and Honey’; sit by the window, and here comes my second obsession - the Moon. I can cry seas and oceans and look at the Moon and be at peace almost immediately. It’s a daily ritual. Moon and I, having a twenty seconds eye-contact and asking how the other person is doing and going back to our own lives. That’s how homelike he is to me.

Today is different. I look out of the window and for the first time in my life, I noticed the tree outside for which my moon was placed like the wallpaper. It says something to me. Like the streetlight? An overthinker that I am, I begin staring at the tree in front of me while also picturising the tree I saw earlier today the leaves of which were shining brightly under the spotlight. And suddenly, everything becomes clear to me. Like the first bite of food you have at home after being miles away for months, you clearly know it’s always the home you want to run back to how far you may go. That clear.

Remember how the streetlight made only a particular small section of the leaves shine bright and not the whole tree? My moon, here, is acting as a background for the tree making the the tree look beautiful overall, enough to be noticed carefully and not instantly. In our lives, we have human streetlights around us that make certain features of our personalities groom extraordinarily but temporarily and they want every damn credit for their actions. We also have human moons who are our greenlights and validation kits at every move and miscarriage, and they are too shy to come up and take credit for what they do because they don't do those things to perform or follow a certain norm, but because that's how these souls function, effortlessly and selflessly.

I absolutely forgot to call home today. Shit. How come my cellphone remains on silent and outdoor modes on utter opposite moments of their necessities. Seven missed calls. I called up and told maa about how my day went and that I had rajma chawal for lunch and she smiled audibly on the other side of the phone, and I knew if I told her I was too tired to go out and ate maggi anyway, she would go to bed annoyed. We finished our talk quickly and then I got back to the window.

I look at my moon, again. I wonder how the moon makes us look beautiful amidst the reel of darkness by highlighting the parts of us that aren’t noticed in the daylight- the quietness, calmness of the tree. When you look at the tree leaves under the moonlight, against the sky, you will not notice the broken branches or the yellow leaves. You just appreciate its existence. The same leaves, when placed under the streetlight, are exposed to the risk of their dust being clearly visible. So does your human streetlight to you. In its effort to hand over  to you the immediate feel-good, it makes you vulnerable. I hope, at some point of you life, you might have experienced that the person/thing that lifts you up at a very fast pace, is the one that pulls you down too. You know why. Because they fall in love with pieces of you and not you wholesome.

While streetlight presents to the world your parts, moon lifts you up entirely. While streetlight gives to you the immediate attention and love, the moon provides the constant subtle support by being right behind or with you and not above or over you.  While streetlight feels like reaching the destination spot after hours of travelling, moon feels like getting out of the car and gasping at the beauty of it. While streetlight feels like seeing your loved one after years, moon feels like bidding your loved one farewell and his running back to you from behind just to hug you once more.

I wonder how our moon has mastered the art of loving us too much to make us weak but the streetlights are making us feel like we are a bunch of nicest things piled together while we refrain to agree deep down with it because we are not things, but heart and bones, confidence and emotions, experiences and scars, not born  to be controlled or projected, but to be loved and accepted.Where do you find your moon? Your moon awaits you over a phone call,  at your doorstep, in the kitchen, or the next door. Your  moon is the one who you know will hold you tight after the streetlight goes off. That’s what your world full of streetlight does, right? Holds your hand and not your back?

Close your eyes for a moment and recall the moons in your life. The faces you see smiling back at you, no matter what. The faces you miss near you when you want to shed a tear or be curled up in arms. You love them profoundly and they love you back.  These are the people who will never force you to make time for them because you inevitably do, because they don’t ask for it and are okay with not hearing you as long as they know you are doing okay. Everyone you count as your family and every friend of yours who stays while the world is busy seeing your dust and basking under your spotlight is your moon.

This moon person of yours also has his changing phases throughout. He may tighten his grip over your hand on certain circumstances, and may watch you fight your battle alone, sometimes, from behind the trees. This moon person dwells amidst the darkest clouds and has his own universe to deal with. I hope you do not ever mock or doubt your moon for his intentions because all he wants is to become a better person each day, so that he can take better care of you.

The best thing about the moon is that even if it leaves you, it leaves you for the better, the sunlight. It will leave you energized and not drain you off like the streetlights. Sometimes, positivity and praise feels more tiring and foreign than the acceptance of the real. You might have heard, “It’s better to be hated for who you really are rather than being loved for who you are not”.

While you're busy being happy on the charm and glory streetlight people bring to you, turn around sometime;  see your moon people standing always a call or glance away, with the calmest voices, the broadest hearts, and the most contagiously genuine smiles, not seeking manifested gratitude in front of masses but deserving a little appreciation in private. I hope you acknowledge the baby steps of your moon person in holding your integrity, in listening to your hums and silence, in reminding you to breathe after a battle or before a blowout, and in making you feel okay when the sunshine feels a bit too bright. Always remember, you may cross a streetlight-less path somehow, by stumbling or tripping but how about a moonless night on your wildest celebration?

Dear moon, thank you for colouring my darkest clouds while struggling to figure out how to wipe out yours. Thank you for loving me unashamedly and softly and making me see the magic that I'm capable of being and creating. Thank you for gulping down your fears a little harder, each time, to make me feel safe. Thank you for choosing to better my life when I was okay  with just another better day. I'm glad you choose to stay, every single day, when I always leave the doors open for you to walk away. I am too strong to break down right now, too weak to say you this in person, but the next time we meet, I hope to gather enough courage to whisper to you a little louder, “I moon you too.”